The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date May 25, 2001 / 514 reads / No comments yet

"Lolita, The Colombian Massage Therapist"

Wow, the first show Wednesday in Amarillo was awesome! Sell out! Great crowd and we played great. I watched a couple of songs from Quiet Riot and Warrant. Frankie from Q.R. is still the hardest hitter in rock. We still have a few funky spots on stage between all of us to work out, but, hey, it was the first show.

There were so many younger girls with kids in that town. You know, teen pregnancy. Amazing! In fact, I had no idea Bret had so many kids!

Ever since I talked about a chick who had inverted nipples on the air, I have had so many girls showing me their inverted nipples. In fact, an inverted nipple wet t-shirt contest ensued at the after party. The girl who had shut me down on Sunday night was there and was obviously aghast at this display of spring break antics. Oh, well. What did you expect? A poetry reading? Hmmm, there is everything else Extreme these days. Extreme Games, etc., etc. Why not Extreme Poetry? If you can write it, you can scream it!!! More about the inverted nipples... I feel like I have helped the inverted nipple community. Women with inverters are feeling free at Poison shows this year for the first time showing themselves off freely as they should. They could have always felt this way, but I honestly feel that my on air commentary has helped them to be proud of their inverters. You go girls!!! You are special!

Last night in El Paso, was neato. Those fans are rabid. It was way fuckin' hot, though. I felt like I was in quicksand and just simply holding onto my sticks was a bitch. No problems though. The eight hour drive to there put our crew over three hours behind, but they kicked ass and got the show up in spite of it all. I swear when it gets that hot again I'm goin' naked. I love the glam shit, but by the time the show was over my make-up had run so far down my face it was coming up around the front again. Bret looked like Alice Cooper during his drunk phase, being a victim of the same sweaty fate as I. I went to Barnett's, the largest Harley dealer in the country in El Paso during the day. I know, who gives a fuck?

On the way back through the gate to the show, this punk chick goes, "Give me tickets and passes and I'll fondle your testicles". I sez, OK. Far be it for me to turn down such a profound invite. After the show, quite bluntly, she did exactly that. But, no more or no less! I'm like, "What the fuck?" She goes, "Hey, a deal is a deal, right?" Thank God Lolita, the Colombian Massage Therapist arrived into my life or God forbid, I'd have gone to bunk on the bus that night a very disturbed fella. Thank you sweetie, your hands are like gold!

All in all, a very good first two nights. We are now in San Antonio, the land of a million boob jobs and as I reflect on these last few weeks of rehearsing and playing, I realize that I am quite blessed. I get to play rock ON' Roll for a living. I was just discussing this issue with another famous person who does not wish to be mentioned here. Yeah, It's a she, you'll never guess and don't ask.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to get ready and go out to a strip club and strip. Yep, I'll do the stripping just to see the reaction of the people there. I'm weird like that. I'll probably get thrown out, but maybe one of the strippers will have mercy on me and give me an A for effort and a B for blow job. Wow, how crude of me. Well, so fuckin' what, It's been a long two weeks.

The Titanium Pimp