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The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date June 12, 2001 / 339 reads / No comments yet



"Marcia Michaels Takes The Stage"

Well, well, where did thine leave off last? Hmm, I think I was bitching about something. I forget.. Oh yeah, the Gossip Board. The adverbs used to cut me down rock. Thank you for your participation. Can I really survive without your approval. Oh, God, please like me! Please say nice things! Please don't call me names! Puleeze... More posts, please! Waste more of your time on me. In fact, stop reading this and be brilliant on there right now. The world is depending on your posts, for God's sake! Congrats, you have cut down Rikki on a Sludge board. You are all stars now!!! What's next? Your own magazine? Lear Jet? The sky is the limit for you. You cut down artists are the salvation of the word! I am saved!

O.K., this is how Išm going to organize my thoughts/diary from now on.
1. Shows
2. After Shows
3. Days Off
4. Random Thoughts/Current Shit.
Cool? I dunno, but here we go...

SHOWS:
Home coming show last night. Hershey, P.A. We aren't from Hershey, but close enough. It was very, very nice to play for all the folks that hail from our neck of the burbs. No rain, as last year it did big time. Nice weather. Could smell the chocolate for miles. By the way, Hershey factory, come on, no one eats the Special Dark shit! Loose it already! That's why you get those as the freebies all over the place. They suck! Anyway, the sound, they say was awesome out front, on stage it was horrible. I hate that. The monitors were so bad I was playing the songs by memory and my memory is going fast. So, come on Paulie, get it right or we'll send you off to the Kiss tour so you can really get beat on! Put the crack pipe away at show time. Love ya, mean it!
My solo was pretty good, but I didnšt stretch enough before the show and I feel it right about now. Overall, we kicked some nice rock ass last night though. With all the families in tow, Bret used the work fuck a bit less, maybe one or two times less. Nice fella that Bret.
In spite of the Fuckazo bashing, Fuckazo and Ricky Parent again, joined me for the encore last night. Allow me to address Fuckazo for a minute. You are guilty by association. Dude, I simply can't help on that one. Fuckazo is truly a great dude though, in spite of me having to peel his white trash vampire hands off my 16 year old niece! Try that shit again in Wilmington and I'll put acid in your water! No, not the happy hallucinogenic kind, the kind that fucked up the Phantom Of The Opera. Color me bitter!

AFTER SHOW SECTION:
Speaking of which... I should not EVEN talk. Smash cut to last week: Waaay back in the day, Bret evidently got some chick knocked up. Go figure. Well, Smoothie brought some girls back to the meet n greet and before I could even be introduced, I made the grave mistake of jumping into the picture they were about take and I grabbed a handful of young tit. This little mini Angelina Jolie looking thing was just too cute for me to contain myself. MISTAKE! Guess who? Marcia Michaels! Yep, Bret's fucking kid! A few words Poison security: As for guests, INFORM ME PLEASE! Needless to say, Bret was about as happy as Vince Neal in a dry town. This is not good for Poison inner band relations. Ever hit on your best friend's kid? Not good people. In a few words, that sucked!!! But, look, in my defense, I had NO fuckin' clue! No clue! If I was really an asshole (insert your own assertion) I would have continued my assault. People, I tells ya, she looked 19 or 20. Oh, fuck you guys who are saying to yourself, perv, perv, every one of you bastards would have pulled the same shit in one way or another. Yeah, I'll say it, Bret's kid is hot. And yes, yes, it was out of my brain that second that I found out.
Is Bret pissed? Come on! Fuck yeah he was! In fact, he rode with Bobby and C.C. that night. All I got from the crew all night was, "Rikki, what a fuckin' perv!" Yeah, well fuck you too crew! I have seen a few hands on a few young things from you pricks too. I don't know a single guy who wouldn't have speared Britney before she was 18. Kiss my ass! Those of you without sin, cast the first sludge! The good news is, after eyewitness accounts, Bret has found it in his heart to forgive me. After all, the one Beach Boy guy was fuckin the other Beach Boy's kid for two years. I don't even stack up against that shit. Look, I'm a good guy, believe it or not! Besides, I'm not convinced it's Bret kid and I don't think he is either 100%.
The thing that sucked the most was this chick aptly named the "Enforcer", a rent-a-cop who was at the previous show, had earlier told Smoothie that she would like to hang with me a little after the show and fuck my brains so far out that she would cave my head in. That's a pretty cool way to express the grind and I was looking forward to it. Hey, I'm just the drummer, so I get excited about this shit. However, the Bret incident kinda ruined it for me though. It's tough to get a hard on when you got this kinda shit on the brain. Turns out that the Enforcer gave the same line to Bret, Bobby and C.C.!
Some of you may remember Froggie (the chick that studies frogs and salamanders) from last years diary. Well, Froggie is pissed at me because she said that I reported nasty things about her. I did not! If I did said something you perceived as mean, I'm sorry. I love ya Froggie! Now go smoke another joint!

DAY OFF:
Day off today and other than this diary, I'm hangin with the folks. Went to see my Uncle Bob in the Rest Home. He's doing well, but not one hot nurse in the place and you all know my nurse fetish by now. I was bummed. Speaking of which, no Nurse Karen appearances so far this year. Where are ya honey?

RANDOM THOUGHTS:
I wanna join The Warrant Street Team.
There were some complete, unadulterated nuts last night at the show.
There were some kickin' chicks there too. Tan titties! Gotta love 'em!
Mullets, mulletts, mullets!
Here's some interesting statements from last night and today from some people:
* This winner is from some dude after the show: "I was going to buy you some fruit, but I didn't know if you like it ripe or not". (Huh?)
* Some guy I grew up with: "You guys still jammin' or what?" (we just fuckin' played last night asswipe!)
* Some chick goes: "You guys need to change your look a little, don't yins think so?." That same chick also said as she walked away, "Hey, don't change man!"
* Some dude goes: "What is the original drummer doing now?" (I dunno, I'm just filling in bro)

This newsflash just in!
Fuckazo likes to show off his balls and hide coke cans with them. He uses this trick to make money and bet people he can't do it. He has also been known to simply wipe them on people. How gross is that? This came from a first hand report from an accosted Fuckazo Ball Wipe victim. Fuckazo also uses bad pick-up lines like, "Well it's not just going to suck itself." What a week...

Rikki, somewhere in America everyday except when we are somewhere else.

Well I ain't getting any younger
Can't you see it in my eyes
The sweet has turned sour
I think it's time for me to fly...
Poison/Life Loves A Tragedy