POISONFANCLUB.NET

The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date August 12, 2001 / 271 reads / No comments yet



"The Finale" or.. "If all is not lost, where is it? "

"Never screw something so hard you can't unscrew it." - (The Rev. Bobby Dall on the subject of life.)

The full moon over Omaha brought us quite a little surprise as you now know. The Day starts with us de-bussing after a 10 hour run only to find myself, Smoothie, Bret, his sister Nicole and her friend Pat stuck between floors in an elevator in 110 degree heat for 20 minutes. Gawd that sucked! We went to a local indoor go-cart track and beat the shit out of each other at 50 miles per hour for the rest of the night. Bobby stayed behind at the hotel nursing his injury from one of the previous shows. 10 hours in a bus did him no good either. After several drinks and bruises, the rest of us went back to the hotel to party. Still, sans Bob.

I had been awaiting the arrival of a little friend who was stuck in a bad storm. She finally arrived looking like a rice dream sundae after a week long food fast. "Get a room!" comments came from the crew from every direction as I began to suffer from hyperprosexia. Later, back at my room, we managed to rack up a few complaints from neighboring hotel guests from the noise we were making in our amentia state. I guess I had the radio up too loud. Wanna see what she looks like? Just look up "cute chick" in the Encyclopedia and there is a picture of her in there.

The next day, after awaking very late, my partner and I cruise the city in search of food and shrunken heads. (Yeah, she's weird like that too.) When we arrive back at hotel central, an ambulance is pulling away... with Bobby. This is not a good thing. I never thought it would have come to this.

The next few days had dire consequences. Bobby had been playing the shows in pain for days. The boy just doesn't fuckin' quit and I salute him. His injuries would have taken anybody else out days prior. Bobby hung in there. Not just for Poison, not just for the other bands, but for the fans. The official word is at www.poisonweb.com

I now feel like my left arm, or something, is cut off. Poison is a live band mainly. This is what we excel at, touring. Sure, we make records and videos and shit, but what we really do and always have done is tour. Sure, we had a couple of years there that we didn't do anything, but before and since, that is what we do. Time magazine named Poison and Metallica as the longest touring bands in rock. The summer tours haven't been as long but we do them more often. If someone walks from this band, that is one thing, but no, we aren't going to replace Bobby just to complete these dates. That would be fucked. Bobby deserves the respect. Sure, we could get some fuckin' guy to learn the songs, but we aren't going to pull that shit. The other way is to do it like Kiss. I love Kiss, but for me, give me Peter Criss or give me Kiss death! No bag on Eric Singer, the guy is a monster player a fine dude, but, Bret, C.C. and I ain't doin' it that way!

I'll feel really bad for the other bands as well. Crap occurs, what can I say? However, I have a feeling that Fuckazo and I will continue our freakwad escapades back here in L.A. county. I miss playing drums live every night and meeting new people, though. That's the shitty part. Damn, this sucks!

So now what?...

So, what about the tour diaries? You might ask. Well, we ain't on tour! So, no more diaries, I guess. But befoe you go and exsibilate me, let me say that I do enjoy writing them and the feedback has been that people obviously enjoy reading them. I have a few stories, (many actually) that I haven't told and I have considered sharing them. Also, I have a new hobby, photography.Together, with this in mind, I have considered doing a book and letting the pictures tell the story. Since everyone is out to sue somebody, I'll have to remove the heads in the pictures. So, I have considered a book of headless people. If I have taken a pic of you and you don't want your head removed, e-mail me and give me permission to use your face, otherwise you may end up headless in the book if I do actually go forward with the project. Oh, don't worry, it won't be all pictures. I can't keep my writing mouth shut and my mutter will be in there as well. I have thought about putting a picture of my dick in there too. Headless! Well, maybe not. Anyway, maybe Metal Sludge could publish the book? Sludge Publishing House! Actually, I have seriously thought about writing a book complete with pics. A book of short stories. Hey, stories I have! Don't put it past me!

Also... I think it's only right to fulfill my duty as Dr. Rockett. So, with the permission of KNAC, I will continue to offer advice and commentary... probably. I will also personally seek psychological counseling myself because I'm nuts.

In addition, I can now finish my record and put the fucker out finally. A few of you might care about that. Now, Poison will obviously have to take a short hiatus until Bob recovers and then we will be making a full length Poison record. That's right! New record, new pics, new video and all on a real label. Aren't we cute? I just love pissing off the Poison Anti's! I can feel you stirring with displeasure reading this.

Oh, this headline appeared in the Las Vegas Mercury: "Poison drummer quits UPS job to join band on tour" Funny shit! Here's the addy: (www.lasvegasmercury.com) And for the people who are stoned or stupid, no, it isn't true.

I will resume Jiu-Jitsu next week and get my ass kicked. Many of you will delight in that notion, I'm sure.

I guess I'm just not a rock star when I'm not on the road. This is what happened to the chick who visited me in Omaha. It seems that she met some investment banker guy on the bus on the way home that she said is willing to grant her fantasy of suspention fetish over some railroad tracks while the guy, dressed up like a clown, tickles her feet with a feather. I just can't compete with that! Queen Tina said she kinda liked me, but the words, "I do have a life, dude." Kinda told the real tale when I asked her if we could hang out again. So, I asked Starlett, "Wanna come hang out with me after the tour?" Starlett replied, "No, not really." Hell, even Nurse Karen sent me this e-mail the other day: "Hey Rikki, consider my pussy closed for the summer. By the way, I will consider giving you a discount for a membership on my website if you get me tickets to Bon Jovi. By the way, do you have Vince Neil's E-mail address?"

I guess since I'm off tour now, I'll have to write a want ad for a girlfriend. I figure I better get pro-active here. Kinda like Prince did a few years ago. So, here is a couple of sample ideas for my want ad:

"Poison drummer desperately seeks psychic female companion. You know how to get a hold of me."

Or... "Really neato washed up drummer seeks female companion for sordid playfulness. Must have long, dark, curly teeth, is into sludge, microwave repair, collecting old toilets to be used for planters and likes to trim fikus plants. Come join me in my trailer in the high desert. The air conditioning works pretty good and I'll have a hot pot of coffee waiting for ya! Must not mind a dog that can't control his bowels." Sound good?

One more note about Bobby and the situation...

Was this accident faked? I am so fuckin' sure! Let me spell it out clearly... NO. Ya think we could actually pull that off? We aren't that smart for fuck's sake! After all, the 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. Moreover, this "being off-tour" shit sucks a mongoloid lumberjack's ass and that ain't good! Oh, yeah, we will be posting pics of Bobby's neck guts on the Poison site for your viewing displeasure. Well, some of you might like it.

Well, again, it has been a pleasure serving you all. To all you Tour Diary fans, I love you man! To all you pricks... well, who fuckin' cares about you? Me, bitter? Oh, God yes! That's what ya love about me, right?

And...

On a very serious note... On behalf of Poison, we thank you for being there for us this year. For everyone that was planning to attend any of the shows, we are very, very sorry for the canceled dates. It really sucks to have cut the "dog leg" of the tour off.

I'll miss my many friends from this summer. (Yeah, I actually have a few friends. The best that money can buy in fact!)

Special thanks to our road crew this year!

Jesus is coming, look busy!

Flesh and Sludge,



LATEST NEWS
RELATED ARTICLES 
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
July 31, 2001 / 345 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
July 26, 2001 / 249 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
July 18, 2001 / 234 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
July 13, 2001 / 251 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
July 6, 2001 / 215 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 26, 2001 / 371 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 21, 2001 / 261 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 18, 2001 / 305 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 12, 2001 / 311 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 8, 2001 / 422 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
June 3, 2001 / 386 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
May 29, 2001 / 280 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
May 25, 2001 / 316 reads
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge
May 23, 2001 / 315 reads