The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date June 26, 2000 / 498 reads / No comments yet

Dear Sludge Diary,
Last night was odd. Ya think after we've done a show for 14,000 plus, one of the crew guys would bring somethin' nice into our dressin' room. No, not our crew. Enter "FatFree"! 293 pounds of woman, proclaiming, "I'm your unskinny bop!" She started by removing one of her pumps from one of her hamhok like legs and aptly inserted it into her vagina and slowly pumping away. No need for lube here, she was a self-lubricating lass. We were just simply staring in amazement! She goes, "Well, is somebody gonna eat this kitty?" Even a resilient Bobby Dall was aghast. Understand, within seconds of her vaginal pump insertion, the room filled with the odor you smell whilst cruising through mushroom country. Now, ya never wanna let a girl down, but even our trusty security guy who was in the Gulf War and has seen dismembered bodies was affected by this display. C.C. goes, "I think I could easier lick the trays at Auschwitz!" Well, good 'ol FatFree, turns out, is of Jewish descent and took this as a personal dig. Pay no attention to the fact that this woman is straight from the bowels of hell and none of this had anything to do with her being jewish. Besides, CC is half jew! Well, out came the shoe from her vagina with a pop! as it was flung, nasty goop and all, straight for DeVille's head. C.C., now being very mobile from running everyday, aptly ducked the caustic footwear and it landed with a thump on the back of our tour managers head. Rob dodged bullets in the Army, but that was a few years ago. Long story short, Rob took the hit like a man even though there was damage done. However, Rob is still quite the tough guy and we figure the finger marks around her neck probably disappeared by the time she ended up in Cinderella's dressing room down the hall. I guess FatFree ended up singing, "Shake Me" later that night. I haven't found out yet.
Was that Too Much Information? I hope so!
Moving on... Today is a day off and I'm looking for nothin but trouble tonight. It was like a ten or twelve hour run to where we are. Who knows where I'll end up tonight. I'll report on that later of course. As for the other bands, I don't see much of them except for Cinderella. They have really nice lights and candles and shit in their dressing room, so I like to take naps in there. They don't seem to mind. It's kinda funny though. People will come in that are friends of theirs and wonder who the fuck I am. I always look like shit during the day, so I guess they figure I'm a road crew guy or somethin'. I'll hear them sayin' stuff like, "Hey, we are leaving after you guys are done playing because Poison sucks anyway". Ain't life grand? Well, say what ya want, but we definatly don't suck FatFree's kitty! Yuk!!!
Opps! What's this? I just got a note that FatFree will be attending the next show and wants an enema from Doctor DeVille. Forget the confetti, if I could only get this to happen onstage tomorrow night!

Life is grand!

Rikki Rockett
victim of a drive by enema