The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date July 14, 2000 / 333 reads / No comments yet

Dear Sludge Diary,

Hello Kiddies! I was planning on sending a bunch of pics instead of my usual rantings, but alas, no one has pulled through with their promises of sending me pics! (Correction! I did get one from Kiva.)
We just ended a four-in-a-row marathon. Kudos to our now exhausted road crew. You all rule!!! It's obvious by now that the Blue Meanie and Jasmine came out to a show. Nice couple. My Mom was chatting with Jasmine and said, "Now that is a nice young lady. Isn't it time you settle down too?" Well, yeah, maybe. As soon as Nurse Karen stops stalking me! More news on this lass later...
Yeah, I did in fact Streak during Cinderella's set the other night. Why? You may ask. 'Cause it was neato! What was failed to be mentioned is that besides my obvious early Red Hot Chilli Peppers sock influence, I also had "Shake Me" written on my ass. I thought that added some credibility, don't cha think? Funny thing though, Tom never saw me up there!

Don Dokken didn't show up for the first three songs the other night. He was sleeping in his bunk, reports have told me. Mark Slaughter walks through the building speaking in cartoon voices and Blas simply doesn't speak until spoken to.
Moving on... Scanton, PA. wasn't without it's events. As I mentioned, Blue Meanie and Jasmine were there as were my folks and a bunch of other old friends. After a long hang out it was time to leave... or so I thought. I went into a now empty dressing room so that Big John could escort everyone out. I was chillin' with a brew waiting to go to the bus when those infamous words stuttered from John's mouth as he opened the door. "Rikki, there's someone here that would like to say, hi!" "John, look, I'm really fuckin' tired. You know. I love meeting people, but enough is enough already." I retorted. "Come one! John went on. This one is really wild and she loves only you!"
Let me translate here, before I continue. She's been with ten other fuckin' guys already and I'm the only one left that she hasn't met. "I'm serious, Rikki. She is fuckin' hot! Bobby almost smacked her a while ago!" John Sez. "Smacker her?" I enquire. "Yeah, just a misunderstanding, no problemo, my man!" John insists. "O.K., O.K.! I say. Bring her in..." Enter "Ecstasy". 105 pounds of drugged out fuck you! Hold on now, this moves fast... "Heeeeelllllloooooo! What kind of an asshole are you going to be?" Ecstasy spits the words as she gropes toward me. "Huh?" I sez. "How fuckin' hot is that?!" John, smiles. "Come to Momma!" She sez, as she grabs my waist and sweeps me Gracie style onto a cheesy biege couch behind us. "I know you think you are hot shit, but to me, you are just another fuckin' rock boy who deserves to be taught a little respect!" With that she grabs my face with both hands, lays a steamy, thick kiss on my lips. I'm thinkin' to myself, this is kinda fuckin' hot! Finally, a little fun, a little fantasy, a little whorish, but it's all good. Just when little willy starts to become larger willy, the unthinkable happens, she bites. Not a friendly little bite. Not a sexy on the egde of pleasure and pain cutesy bite. Nope. I mean a fuckin' jaws bite! She won't let go. I mean seconds turned to minutes and then to hours. A slow motion carniverous lip biting fest. "oooohhhhhhhhooowwwww!" I scream out the top of my mouth. By now John is on the bus eating after show catering oblivious to all the sorrow he is partially responsible for. All at once, she lets go. My lower lip is throbbing. I must have had a pitiful look on my face because Ecstasy looks at me and sez, "Sorry, just a little tease sweetie." "Tease?" I mutter. "Yeah, the boys in L.A. Guns said you love that shit!" "What? I say. L.A. Guns is responsible for this? Who? Which one? Is it Tracy?" "Come on back down here.", she says, ignoring my questions outright. "I wouldn't come back down there with Jani Lanes dick!" I lash out. "Fine, kiss my pretty little ass!" Boom! She fuckin ran outta there. I mean ran! Talk about stripper ego here.
So there I sat on that smelly biege couch for about five minutes wondering where it all went wrong. A bit lip. L.A. Guns jerkin' me. A smelly couch. Ain't I supposed to be having fun out here? Well, I thought to my self, I still have a great band with guys that understand.
The door opens... "Bret sez if ya don't get your ass out here now, he's driving the fuckin' bus!" Tour manager Rob shouts. "Fine, I'm more than ready!" I reply slowly. I enter the bus... "Get Rikki some ice! Bret shouts in no particular direction and then turns to me. At least it was just your lip she got! Bret is sitting with a cold beer in his crotch. Whores, whores I'm tellin' ya!" Yeah, now ya tell me.
All has cleared and it's a fine morning today. I arise to be met by Fred Courey in the hall of catering. Ahh, Mr. Rockett, can I have a word with you? "A still paisty from sleeping Fred inquires. "Sure, whaaaats up buddy", I ask. "Did you streak 'cause I didn't get a picture with Blue Meanie? I mean, I never even saw the guy that night. I love Sludge! What the fuck is goin' on here? You wouldn't try and fuck over your buddy Fred now would ya? "Never in a million years!" I say. "Misunderstanding I guess." Fred says. "Yeah Fred, that's all it is. I say. Hey, on another note there is this chick coming tonight that is such a Fred Courey fan. She wouldn't even touch me the other night. She just loves you!" "Really? Is she hot?" Freddy inquires. "Oh Gawd, yes! Her name is Ecstasy and she is ready to Shake you! I say. "Great man! I can't wait!" sez Fred. I reply, Nor, can I Fred, Nor, can I...

Rikki Rockett
On your knees and pledge your allegiance.
- The Late, Great Wendy O. Williams in an autograph to me in 1988.