Dear Dr. Rockett
September 22, 2000 / 270 reads / No comments yet
Dear Dr. Rockett,
When my husband and I got married 3 years ago, we each made a list of 3 semi-famous to famous people that we could have sex with if given the chance without any negative repercussions on our marriage. At the time I was a law student and I drew up the list as a legal document which we both signed in the presence of a notary public. One of mine was a member of your band, who shall remain nameless (not you).
This summer, while your were on tour, I met and banged him. Well, my husband got pissed about it and went out and banged one of my ex-friends as retribution. However, my one night affair was in keeping with the List while his was a blatant disregard for our marital vows...and with an ex-friend no less. I have never had sex with anyone else aside from this one list member and I'm fucking pissed that he did. Do you think that's fair?
Pissed Off and Ready to Divorce
Dear Pissed Off,
Of course it wasn't me. I don't get that lucky. Just look at my diaries! O.K., anyway... A couple of things here. First off, on the surface, yeah, you are right. Besides the fact I wouldn't dare sell out one of my band members banging you, you did in fact have a written agreement. Let's face it, marriage is an agreement.
On the other hand... It's harder for a guy to get laid by a famous chick than it is for a chick to get laid by a famous guy. Your contract was unfair in that area. Did he know what he was signing? Did he have legal representation? You were the law student, not him. In the law, that is considered "Coercion ". Musicians break contracts all day long with that because they are not schooled in the ways of the law and feel coerced into signing things they don't fully understand. Shame on you, law student!
To go further with that idea... Let's say I ask my chick to sign a pre-nup. No one representing her reads the contract. If we divorce, the contract means shit because she wasn't fully aware of what she was signing. That's the law, so she gets fucking half! It sucks, but that is the law.
Based on the surface agreement, I agree with you and I hope you had fun. Based on the law, I think you are screwed idealistically. However, your hubby broke the marital vows and the contract. He is screwed too under the law. I don't think the courts would care if the dude in question was a rock star or a candybar machine vendor rep. You both broke the laws and vows of marriage. Worse, you went outside the relationship for fulfillment. I must ask, was either one of you even ready to be married?
Ahh, but Dr. Rockett must not judge. It isn't Judge Rockett, it is Dr. Rockett. My conclusion... Start fresh and forget these sub contracts of marriage. Keep your panties on and tell hubby to keep his dick in his pants. Or, let your dear hubby have a fair break when trying to understand the ways of the law. Maybe an open marriage where you both fuck haplessly is in your favor. After all, you never made mention of how you feel about what happened. You just brought up the contract. If you took your contract to a judge, he'd laugh you out of court.
"You can't say we never tried" - Angie/The Rolling Stones
Dear Dr. Rockett,
Being that you are a rock star maybe you can help me with a problem that I have. You see I am obsessed with this certain rock star, unforturnly it is not you. I have been to see him a lot of times. He doesn't even know that I exist. He is really hot. I would love to fuck him, but the problem is that he wont have me. I am 6'2'' and weigh about 210. He has only been seen with skinny and foxy chicks. I am not bad looking just big. How can I get his attention? Do you think that he would ever have anything to do with me?
Dear Totally Obsessed,
Of course it isn't me. That goes without saying.
You have answered your own question. You consider yourself heavy. Right? You obviously think this is the problem. Right? I hesitate to judge anyone on their weight, because some people are comfortable being heavy. Some are not and more often than not, they want to be thinner. I can tell you that it is more healthy. But you knew that. What are you waiting for? Get in shape and loose weight. You can do it. It sounds to me like you'll be happier. I'm sure you are pretty. Go for it and he'll be looking to fuck your brains out and so will a ton more guys.
A great role model for a tall girl is Gabrielle Reese , the Volleyball star, who is totally hot and is 6'2".
So how do you loose weight? Of course I recommend a vegetarian lifestyle.
While this may be beyond the scope of this column, I do suggest eating nothing but fruit, veggies, nuts and drinking tons of water. Reward yourself once a week with a little junk food meal. Walk everyday. I promise
you'll look different in two months. Here is one of the best sites for this information: http://www.drmcdougall.com
"Meat is murder" - The Smiths
Dear Dr. Rockett,
I'm a 27 year old married woman. I have had a best friend for about 10 years now (who is also a 27 year old woman). We've always been really close, but a few weeks ago, things took a turn.
My husband was out of the country on business, and my best friend and I went out to dinner and shopping. Kind of a "girl's night out" thing. We were having so much fun, we thought it would be funny to rent a porno movie and
laugh at it. So we went to the seedy part of town and rented one of those really nasty ones! We took it back to my place and as we were watching the movie, I got the distinct feeling that my friend wanted to get it on with me.
She would ask me questions like "Would you ever do that with another girl?" or "Sometimes do you wonder what it would be like to be with another girl?". Nothing happened that night, but since then, things have changed. I should mention that I'm 8 months pregnant, and my friend is always wanting to rub my stomach and once or twice, she's even kissed my stomach, saying she was "kissing the baby". She's also made comments on how large my breasts have gotten, and she even asked if she could see them. She's my best friend, so I let her, of course. This is very unlike anything she's ever done to me before, and I still get the feeling she wants to experiment a little with me. As far as I know, she's not a lesbian and has never been with a woman (she's had more men than you've had women), and I'm certainly not a lesbian either (I've had almost that many guys). She and I have had several threesomes and foursomes with guys (when we were in college), but we never actually got with each other. In fact, I've never done anything remotely sexual with a woman. I have to admit, I am a little curious, though.
I have 2 questions for you... 1) Should I give in to her advances and try this out with my best friend? I mean, if it's not something I enjoy, it could damage our friendship. 2) If I do "experiment" with my friend, is this cheating on my husband?
I'd love to hear your opinion!
Now that I've gotten the goo off my keyboard from that very sexy visual of you and your friend getting it on, I will now try and answer your questions.
Now then! Would you be cheating on your husband? Of course you would be. Does it matter, is the real question. I mean, would your husband mind? Only you can answer that. If he would, would you be willing to risk the relationship with a baby on the way? If he wouldn't mind, I'm sure he'd want to share in the activities. I would! In fact, I'd be suckin' on those swelled up titties of yours nightly! Seein' another chick suckin' on them would be even more of a turn on. But that's just me.
Will it affect your relationship with the chick? I don't know. Ask her. You obviously want to fuck around with a chick. Is she the one, though? Women, by in large, seem to have a much easier time dealing with homo feelings than guys do. In fact, I think there is way more bi-chicks than bi-guys. For us guys, this is a good thing.
Here are some upsides to you getting with the chick:
- She'll probably eat pussy really well and so will you. Just imagine what you like to have done and do it to her and vice-versa.
- If you take action now, you can spray her face with titty milk. (Very cool!)
- Videotape it and give it to your husband for his business trips. He'll love it!
- In fact, send me the video!
Downsides to getting with the chick:
- Your husband is weird and divorces you over it.
- He sells the video to Avid and you are an instant net sensation and become popular as a titty milk freak.
- It's not what you thought it would be and your friend won't talk to you ever again. Naw, that won't happen.
I say do it!
- Dr. Rockett
"Mamma's got a squeeze box she wears on her chest..."
- Squeeze Box/The Who
Dear Dr. Rockett,
I was just married about 7 months ago. Prior to the marriage, I was BEYOND super-thrilled with my relationship with my then-fiance. I was always totally turned on by him, extremely excited to do anything with him, and felt entirely secure. But now some things have changed. Firstly, I occasionally get annoyed by him touching me, and tell him "not now." This shocks me beyond belief, because I used to have to be "on" him 24-7. I also find myself somewhat bored and rather be alone at times. Also -- and I can't really see the connection with the other things I've just mentioned -- I find myself growing insecure. I compare myself to other women we come into contact with, and compare how in shape I am with how in shape they are (and I'm quite in shape myself).
I love him very, very much. And every morning (and this is a very important thing, in my opinion), I am so happy to be waking up next to my honey. But something seems to be lost. I know he sees it, and is sometimes clearly
upset and wonders what to do. I don't know what to do myself! He is very good to me. And I know I wouldn't be happy with anyone else in my life. Would you take an educated guess as to what the problem is? Thanks Rikki.
I've heard of the "Seven Year Itch", but not the "Seven Month Itch"! Look, sex isn't love and love isn't sex. Let me explain my personal way of looking at love. Ready for this? Here ya go... I personally believe in Jai Love. That is to say, One Love. I think love is love. The love for your father or mother is the same for your wife or child. The variables that make it feel different are things like, lust, respect, kinship, etc., etc. (With me so far?) So, when the sex subsides a bit, it's easy to feel insecure and unloved, yet still feel like you love someone and feel like
you couldn't be without them because at first love, you had all that. Yes, something is missing... the need to feel like fucking all the time. That's all. The love is there.
It seems a bit pre-mature for you to feel this way, but you two may have been having sex for five years before you got married. I don't know, you didn't say.
Of course now that you are married, there is more pressure in many other ways. I haven't been married before, but I've lived with three different chicks and I know that the dynamic changes when you see someone everyday.
You see them happy, grumpy, showered, not showered, bad breathed, pillowfaced in the morning and all that.
It's important to try and still be sexy. Not run around the house all day in sweat pants and some ugly t-shirt and expect your husband to not look at the chick in the mini-dress with the slammin' legs on T.V. Some dude said
recently about women, "Don't expect us to act like soap opera guys when you don't look like victoria secret's models!" It may unrealistic for every girl to look like Stephanie Seymore 24/7, but you get the idea here. In
other words, don't get too comfortable. Push the envelope. It's the guys job to do this too. It seems even more important in your case for hubby to try a little harder. Tell him. Say it out loud. Wear this and don't wear
that because this turns me on and that turns me off. Tell him! He's not going to read your mind.
Get away once in a while and have just "your time" alone. If this all doesn't work, see a therapist. Really.
"... in love again, it will be just like starting over"
- John Lennon
I need you're help.
I can't get laid to save my life. What should I do? Ya' know I've been trying, but I just can't bag sweet chick.
Being a rock star you must get a piece anytime you want one. Can you tell me the fastest way to get a chick into bed? I need it and if a relationship happens to come out of it that would be great to. Can you help :)
Please! Dr. Rockett if you will! Not hay Rikki!
Anyway. Why do think you can't get laid? Are you ugly? Can't talk to chicks properly? Inability to maintain a normal relationship? White single male appx. 30? Are you a serial rapist in the making? Just kidding, relax.
1. Never compliment a chick on a part of her that you and her both know sux. She'll see right through your lyin' ass.
2. Don't compliment her on her best asset either. It's too obvious. Besides, what if it was her tits that were the best thing about her.? She'd get pissed. Search me why this happens. It just does.
3. Don't say shit like, "You look great!" Too generic. The football game may have been great. But words like great is poor vocab with slice. Use better words. Chicks dig words like "wonderful" and "stunning".
4. Make her feel smart and appreciate it. Chicks don't want to be made to feel like an object. If they are smart, they'll love that from you and if they aren't smart, they never know anyway.
5. Touch her early on. No, not on the tits. Just make contact. If she is uncomfortable right away, you know you are in for a long night trying to get her into the sack. If on the other hand she is responsive, you probably aren't wasting your time. It's just a matter of time. So, take your time. You just need her to be comfortable.
6. Work that shit by kissing allot. Chicks love kisses and you'll know when she is wanting to move along to the next step just by how she is breathing. Infrared tests show that lips, breasts and groin both simultaneously heat
at appx. the same time.
7. Go for it!
8. If all else fails, get a hooker.
"... won't ya send me somebody" - Somebody/Aerosmith
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