To all interested parties,
I have gotten several complaints about my Metal Sludge Rewind 20 questions. It seems that several people don't realize that the Metal Sludge website is a parody. It is aimed to stir up shit in the rock community. While Gerri Miller was the editor for Metal Edge Magazine, the magazine had less of a editorial slant and more of a fanzine slant. That is fine and the kind of person that Gerri is comes through in a very obvious way during those years. Gerri is really a very kind person who has been a big cheerleader for Poison from day one. However, the magazine really wanted to move in a more" real" editorial type of publication. Gerri tended to white wash stuff and never had a cross word about any of the bands in the magazine. This was viewed as sappy to many people and a change had to come eventually. This period is the period that I believe Metal Sludge bashes on the most. The fact that Gerri was responsible for breaking many acts with media exposure and was kicked in the ass by the same bands down the line really sucks.Who knows who the Sludge people are, but my instincs tell me that there is more to the story than just a fun parody. I think it involves heavy doses of failed 80's band stigma. Paul, by the way, is doing a fantastic job as the new editor of Metal Edge.
We now live in a time where what would have been absolutly outrageous on TV is now very acceptable. The sitcoms these days are over the top sarcastic and actually a bit bitter at times. For better or worse, all of this reflects in our culture in just about every facet of entertainment.
Enter Metal Sludge... Built on sarcasm. Some of what is said is true. Meaning, it isn't a misinformation site exactly, it's a bitterly reflective site with a humourous slant. Humour has to start with some truth or you can't relate to it. The site very often does go over the line and hit a bit to close to home at times for many people. As artists, we wear our hearts on our sleeve to begin with and having the embarrasing moments thrown in our face often hurts. Well, welcome to the big time fella! We as artists have to deal with it or fold over and croak. Roll with the punches, or as Bill Gates says, "embrace and consume." I'm not defending the site exactly, just making a point.
I find the site funny most of the time and you'll notice that the artists who are continually bagged on are the ones who take themselves way too seriously for thier own good. Why do Artists actually post real information on there then? Because, people are reading it and because the site gets a lot of traffic. They make it work to their advantage.
I have included the questions and my answers to make a point here. The color Blue denotes The Metal Sludge question, the Green are my answers on the Sludge site and the Purple are my real answers if I were answering the questions honestly and without sarcasm. I hope this clears up any misconceptions. Realize that most of these questions wouldn't even be asked by real honest to goodness journalists in real honest to goodness magazines.
1. What are you currently up to now?
Doing the Poison artwork for the record, recording my own Glitter For Your Soul 70's glitter re-hash record and prepping for the Poison "Power To The People Tour.
This is all true.
2. Sebastian Bach recently said that people who listen to Skid Row don't listen to Poison. What are your thoughts on that comment?
Oh, please! I think it's more like no one is listening to Sebastian Bach.
Sebastian has actually always been really cool to me in person. I think his problem is that his stardom from making Skid Row records waned and now he wants to disassociate himself from anything 80's. Poison being the biggest target in that genre.I call that a sell -out and not that many people really are listening to his stuff.
3. You are a vegan, which means not only do you not eat meat, but you don't even have any diary products! Dude, why can't you have a glass of milk? Haven't you heard it does the body good? What's the problem with having some milk and cheese??
It's full of pus, literally! Steriod injected cow pus cream is what milk is. The cows aren't going to Disneyland after they are through hammering their infected udders either. Humans need cow milk about as much as we need batmilk.
4. It's almost time for the Power to the People tour. Do you think all four bands will do every date, I have no idea, really. Will the groups stay intact with the same members Well, they never have before. and lastly will Bret ever perform without something on his head?
Yes, as a matter of fact I think he will.
5. Rate the following drummers on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being somebody with no rhythm and 10 being a funky cat.
They are actually all really good. I mean it. This isn't a political move. Metal sludge knows me, I won't hold bach. < Pun!
True also. I'm not a rock drummer critic, I'm just another drummer. Nobody wins with an answer that puts one guy above the other. Blotzer may be number one with one person and Lars with another. Who's to say? Not me.
6. Why did Poison choose to take Slaughter out? Cinderella doesn't like them, Don Dokken doesn't think very highly of Dana Strum, so why did you take our Slaughter? What's the logic behind that?
What good would a tour be without some drama? It should be interesting.
True. Maybe there will be drama. Poison has no beefs with any other bands actually. So if there is some infighting I doubt it will be Poison members. Actually I doubt there will be any problems anyway. We are all pros here. Believe it or not!
7. Your real name is Richard Ream. Which is basically Dick Ream. Which sounds like a male Porn Stars name. Are your parents playing a practical joke on you or what? And will you name your son Hugh Dick Ream?
Yeah, it is pretty Porn ain't it? Pretty Porn! Now that is a good name for a Glam band! or... at least a record. Anyway, I've always been called Ricki. I don't think my parents realized that I would be lambasted with the Dick innuendos. Well, Mom and Dad, I have been and here is the proof! I won't name my son Hugh Dick Ream, but I may name a daughter that. Wouldn't that be funny? Really fuck the kid up. See, I'll get my revenge on the world for having a Dick oriented name!
All of this is a play on words going on here. It's a big pun/joke. What more can I say?
8. Ted Nugent says that deer hunting is good for nature for several reasons. It helps thin the population cause if you let the deer population get too big, there won't be enough food for all the deer,
Ted loves to try and be the environmentalist doesn't he? Deer herds thin themselves. Besides, there are programs yearly like what the NRA does to elevate the population so people can shoot bambi. NRA loves it because ammo is taxed to support such programs. Fucked huh? Especially if you aren't the measly 6% of people that hunt.
plus disease could wipe out even more deer.
Does a hunter know what ones are diseased when they are in his sights?
You also have more deer/car accidents if you have too many deer.
Yes, it escalates about 90% during hunting season 'cause the deer are scared out of their fuckin' wits and out of the woods.
Do you agree with Ted on this, or would you rather outlaw hunting all together and risk wiping out the deer population and have people possibly get killed in deer/car accidents?
Obviously I don't agree with a man who defecates in his pants to avoid the draft and then tries to be a man's man. I would rather people act out of their own conscious rather than outlaw things. On the other hand, it's asking a lot of some people to do that.
9. How much success do you think Samantha 7's album will have?
A. It'll only sell 10,000 copies
B. It'll make Union look triple platinum
C. It will be certified diamond within a year
D. C.C. will overdose before its release
C.C. will overdose before its release.
I know C.C. won't overdose. He is over 4 years sober now. It's a great record and I hope it does well. I was playing along with the joke. C.C., I know, wouldn't have it any other way.
10. Rate the following chicks on a scale of 1 to 10. 1 being a hamburger that you wouldn't touch and 10 being a veggie burger that you'd eat every bite of.
Britney Spears = People say I am just about old enough to be her father. Now wouldn't that be fun! However, she does milk ads and wears fur, so fuck her! She gets a 0 and her ass gets a 10.
All this is in fun. Britney is a cutie, but is too young for me and does do milk ads and shit.
Gwen Stefani = Gwen is hot. It's all about her style though. Strip her down to nothing and she's probably pretty average. Like me. I suck without an image. Wouldn't we make a great couple? I give us a 10 because alone we would be 5's.
Gwen is hot. She really is. I do think we both would look kinda average with out some sort of style actually and that is what I meant. Her type is actually the type I like. Girls that are creative in all ways.
Pamela Anderson = Nice young lady. She wouldn't work out for me because as much as I have this rep for a big dick, I think Tommy has me beat in that dept. Me and Pam's counselor would be saying "Quit referring to each other as needle dick and canyon cunt and maybe we can work this out!" She deserves a 10 for ballsiness and a 0 for still being with Tommy. Pam, get out before you are stretched to the limit!
I like Pamela. She's never been anything but nice to me.We all know she is sexy. I never really had a run in with Tommy either. In light of all the Pamela/Tommy stuff, I decided to have fun with this one.
Carmen Electra = Never met the young lady, but she is fab. No one is a 10 but she comes close at a 9. Bobbie Brown = Beautiful looking chick but will probably have warts at some point from playing with frogs. 10 in the looks, 0 in the brain. Let's average at 5 overall.
Well, she is hot.
Kristy Gibson = It's my child and it's time Bret knew the truth! It's gonna be a tough tour...
If you even give this a second of seriousness you are wacked!
Donna D'Errico = Ballsy, pretty, sexy and with a groovy attitude. She could'a been a 10 but gave Poison the raw deal with her 20 questions comment. Shazzam! You get a 7 for that shit!
Nikki is another one who desparatly wants to disassociate himself from the 80's bands. Of course she is gonna go with him on all of this. Whatever Nikki!
Susie Hatton = No children. Wheew, I guess I got away with that one!
Again, if you even give this a second of seriousness you are wacked!
Stefanie, the chick drummer for Kid Rock = I never met her. I'll do what I do with tips. Here is half (5), you get the other half if you treat me right.
Again, fun is all.
Gerri Miller = Clearly a 10! I love bigfoot!
Metal Sludge calls Gerri Bigfoot. Whatever. It's another joke for whatever reason, Gerri knows I love her. No harm done.
11. Do you feel that using an animal name in a bands name, song or album title or in photos is in some way a form of breaking a vegan's strict beliefs? Examples are: The cow on the Aerosmith CD cover and The 3 legged dog on the Alice In Chains cover.
No, I don't in general. If the name was like "Club All Seals" or "Firecrackers For Cats Asses" or something, well then yes I'd be against it.
12. Please name 5 greats and 5 hates?
My Parents, in spite of my naming. (For putting up with my stank ass.)
True. I love 'em!
Poison (Humble, ain't I?)
Religious Cults Of All Types (Otherwise, no one would ever come to visit me.)
I get tons of religious types coming out here.
The Flushing Toilet (Without this invention, life would really suck!)
Toothpaste and Brush (Without this, my breath would smell like a non-flushing toilet.)
Name droppers. (Michael Jackson told me never to name drop.)
True. I don't like name droppers.
Vivisectionists. (People who experiment on living animals.)
Anyone who disses Poison. (Hey, fuck you!)
People who hate me. (Hey, fuck you again!)
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing!
Not True. This was a slogan on a t-shirt that I thought was funny. I respect ones freedom to say no or yes.
13. Ingrid Newkirk, leader of PETA, equates the slaughter of chickens with the death of Jews in the Holocaust. Isn?t that a fucked up thing to say?
Liar! She said the slaughter of Chickens is like an animal holocaust.
14. Listed below are 20 bands. Now your job is to pick 4 bands you would like to tour with, and put them in order from opener to headliner. And also throw Poison in there as well.
No. I won't do it Metal Sludge! Actually, I'd rather tour by ourselves. We'd make more money that way. What, am I a moron? (Don't answer that!)
I doubt that we'll ever tour by ourselves. However, it got me out of answering a question I really didn't want to take the time and answer.
15. What do you remember about the following years:
1980 = Some chick that was as an astronomy major that I fucked. (Hey, you asked!)
1984 = Poison moves to California. Hello cockroaches!
1987 = Getting 50 bucks to buy some clothes after we did a show. (This is figuratively important. I'm not that shallow.)
1990 = Records, videos, tours and never seeing home.
1992 = Picking the wrong chick.
1994 = No Mercy Comics (Rikki goes veggie one year before!)
1997 = Confused, miffed. Downright ready to rock!
All of these answers are mostly in fun. I did pick the wrong chick, but overall, it's true stuff. Just shallow Metal sludge answers though.
16. C.C. is about as predictable as an earthquake. Is that because he is...
A. A stupid drug addicted self centered selfish prick
B. Very jealous of Bret and his extensive head wardrobe
C. He thinks he'll have solo success like Peter Frampton, Carlos Santana or Eric Clapton.
D. Just a plain old jackass
Come on now. That was mean! He's an asshole. God, ya have to be so insensitive?
Look, I love C.C. to death and he is as sober as they come these days. It's a all just a C.C. dig for fun from Sludge. I rolled with it and that's all.
17. Please pick your poison, pun intended.
Lip stick or Lip Gloss = Lip stick
Talk Dirty or Whisper Filthy = Talk Dirty (Why'd ya even ask?)
Fred Durst or Jonathan Davis = How about Fred Davis? Sounds like a talk show host from the 70's!
Deal With CC or Deal Crack Cocaine = Deal with C.C. At least it's legal.
Golden Shower or Facial Shot = Am I givin' or takin'? I do like to facial a broad now and again. As for gettin', I'm not that worldly. Sorry.
Boob Job or Wonder Bra = Boob Jobs as long as they don't look like a Stan Winston effect.
Ted Nugent or Fred Bear = Who the fuck is Fred Bear?
Jackie Chan or Chuck Norris = Jackie Chan
Sebastian Bach or a hamburger = Hamburger ( A veggie one, thank you!)
Pamela Anderson or Britney Spears = Britney Spears (It's all about the ass. I wonder if she ever considered a Mickey Mouse tattoo on it?)
All fun answers again.
18. Do you feel bad that Tracii Guns was only in Poison for about 2 weeks, and is now back to playing with L.A. Guns in front of about 200 people? Wasn't that sort of a cruel joke?
Yes, I really do feel bad. We did it to fuck with his head, undermine his ego and attempt to control his fate. It didn't work.
Tracii is a gem! He loves this kinda shit. So, again, fun stuff. I am trying to make light of the fact that Tracii was in fact in Poison for a very short time and then C.C. returned. I'm sure that bugged him, but he dealt with it really well.
19. You guys released Swallow This Live back in 1991, which was your live album along with 4 studio tracks. Now you guys are releasing another live album with 5 studio tracks. Is it really necessary to release another live album, which is basically going to have the same songs that Swallow This Live did?
No, it isn't necessary to have the live stuff. However, we didn't have enough time to do a whole record and have it ready to tour with this year. We recorded some shows from the last tour, so why not?. The new live songs do sound better than our first live record anyway. It commerates the 1999 summer tour. Really dandy now ain't it?
Isn't that something Kiss would do?
No, Kiss would re-record the stuff in the studio. Should we do that?
True. Kiss has done that kinda stuff.
20. Time for Metal Sludge's Word Association. We mention a name and you give us your thoughts.
Stephen Pearcy = Ratt (Well, that's what I think of.)
Warrant = I know, I really do need to pay that damn fine.
Funny stuff again. I'm side stepping here obviously.
David Lee Roth = Bitter, bitter, bitter.
Roth has put down Poison several times. I don't want to do it back, so I said the obvious thing that I think everyone notices about him.
Limp Bizkit = A bass player that would rather be in Slip Knot.
I have no idea what the guy thinks about, but he is the only one who could fit in to Slip Knot!
Sebastian Bach = I don't know. I've never seen him live and since no Poison fans go to his shows, I haven't heard any reports either.
Sebastian says that Poison fans don't attend his shows, so I throw it in his face. We all know this isn't true anyway.
Joey Allen = Got out in time!
Joey is a great guy. I say he got out in time because Warrant sure ain't what they were. I actually don't hate Warrant contrary to popular belief. I respect that they have hung in there. I just hate it when they are thrown in the same category as Poison. Warrrant was never a Glam band. They were more like another version of Bon Jovi.
Tracii Guns = A swell fellow.
True. I really like the guy.
Vince Neil = Blondes. Vince likes blondes. (Again, I can't help it, that's what comes to mind!)
Tommy Lee = Yo!
Obviously a spoof on his new musical choice.
Gene Simmons = Poor horror film trivia recollection. It's true. He doesn't know all the answers. He thinks he does. Just pull some horror trivia out from the dust and ask him some time. He ain't all that.
I love Kiss. However, Gene did try to out trivia a friend of mine about horror movie stuff and he way off most of the time.
Well, that's about it. Now anyone who didn't get it and still thinks I'm an asshole, I really don't know what more to say.