The Poison Tour Diary via Metal Sludge

Date May 23, 2001 / 603 reads

"Lookin' Fer Luv In All The Wrong Places"

Hello all you Sludge Tour Diaholics!
I guess I couldn't resist the temptation to do another Tour Diary. Jani Bon Neal was threatening me anyway if I didn't do it. I will have to take the summer off from writing the Dr. Rockett column, but don't stop sending questions because I will have the ability to go live in a few select cities that have kickin' internet connections. I will post those dates here as I get them. You'll have to settle for all questions to be answered live. I also plan on a Mullet Parade at some point to be filmed for Dr. Rockett. So, if you have a mullet, contact me.

Well, well, the controversial Poison and Warrant line -up commences for the first time this evening. We (Poison) arrived late Sunday night to do production rehearsals here in Amarillo Texas. Not much to do in Amarillo on a Sunday night, but I managed. More on that later...

Right off the bat here I want to address something, NO, it's not the same show as last year. Yeah, there are many parts of it that are, but if you want to hear the hits, there is going to be some repetition. The cool thing is, it's a whole other light show, whole other lighting rig with over the top effects and tons of moving lights. More pyro is happening than ever with the addition of Dragon Cannons that will blow your fuckin' mind! We have added a few old Poison tunes plus Rockstar and the stage is totally re-vamped. We also added some totally dexmo, neato backdrops. My drums... Titanium drums by Innovation. The first all Titanium drum kit in the world and it fuckin' rocks! I am writing this on my new Mac G4 Titanium Powerbook as well. I am a Titanium Pimp!

Big John... Is not with us this year. He's out with Saliva and won't come back to Poison. I don't know the guys in Saliva, but a heads up to them, John will certainly bring women like "FatPhree" and "Feed On' tyme" backstage for them to party with. You've been warned! Quite honestly, John doesn't brush his teeth properly and this leads to a foul odor that permeates the bus the entire tour anyway. John eats weird stuff too and therefore when he sweats, he smells funny. I got tired of that shit. So, maybe he's better off being away from us and let a younger band like Saliva deal with his breathe and taste in women. Big John deserves an FU award in my opinion simply because he's a one man ghetto!

Our security guys are Big Ray and Johnny Smooth this year. Proper and professional fellas who just love to beat peoples asses.

Back to Sunday night... Of course I paid a visit to the hotel bar to see who was hangin' out. There were the typical crew people and I was very happy to see guys like Rigger Ramone back out with us. Ramone is like seven feet tall and likes chicks with short hair so he can see them giving him head properly. I kinda agree with Rigger, this can certainly be a nice feature. Well, alas, there is some chick staring our way at the end of the bar with short hair and big brown eyes. Cute as the day is long and bit tipsy. All good, right? So, after I threatened to fire Rigger Ramone if he makes the first move, I saunter over to her and ask to buy her a drink. "Sure, she says. But, if you think you are going to get anywhere with me I'll tell you right now, Timothy McVey has a better chance!" Well, sorry, but no story there other than what I told ya. The last I saw as I creeped back to my room was Ramone sharing a smoke with brown eyes. Hey, all is fair in love and war and how can I compete with a seven foot rigger who probably has a seven foot dick to match?

Well, that's all to report for now. Like I said, tonight is the first show, so I'll have a report soon enough.

Rikki On The Road
Lookin' fer luv in all the wrong places...